I used to think I was doing it wrong.
Back when I led a team, I considered them my friends. I knew about their kids, their pets, their rough days and big wins. We laughed together, we trusted each other, and we got the work done amazingly well.
Then a new boss stepped in and told me I needed to be “more professional.” Less personal. Less emotionally involved. More detached.
It hit me hard. Was I too soft? Too caring? Too open?
For a while, I spiraled. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for leadership after all. Maybe I didn’t fit the mold.
What I’ve come to realize is this: I wasn’t doing it wrong. I was just practicing authentic leadership and that made some people uncomfortable.
They had a traditional definition of professionalism: polished, reserved, emotionally neutral. But my leadership style was grounded in emotional intelligence, presence, and connection.
And that’s not unprofessional. That’s values-based leadership and it works.
Redefining Professionalism in Leadership
At first, I tried to mold myself into their expectations. But it felt performative. Like I was putting on a mask every day. And it created a split inside me. I was showing up, but I wasn’t present.
So I took a step back and got clear on my leadership identity: I lead with creativity, empathy, and courage. When I honor my values (integrity, originality, service) I feel aligned and grounded.
When I stopped trying to look like a leader and started to feel like one, everything changed. I became more focused, more confident, and more respected, not by becoming less of myself, but by becoming more of it.
What to Do When You and Your Boss Have Different Leadership Standards
If you’re navigating a disconnect with your manager, especially around your leadership style or definition of professionalism, here are three steps to realign without losing yourself:
1. Have a Values Conversation.
Open a dialogue about your leadership strengths and values. Share how they influence your approach, and ask your boss about theirs. Find where your values intersect. Maybe they prioritize consistency, and you prioritize connection yet both build trust. This kind of values-based leadership conversation shifts the focus from right/wrong to shared goals.
2. Make Your Results Visible.
If your leadership is driving outcomes, make that known. Track wins, show your impact, and speak to the results your leadership style is creating whether it’s increased engagement, retention, or team productivity.
This reframes the conversation from style preference to measurable success.
3. Adjust Without Abandoning Yourself.
Professionalism doesn’t have to mean emotional distance. It might mean being intentional about boundaries or adapting communication styles, but you don’t have to erase your humanity. You can maintain empathy and executive presence. You can lead with compassion and command respect.
You don’t have to choose between credibility and connection. You don’t have to hide your values to be seen as a leader.
If you’re ready to lead with clarity and confidence but can’t quite articulate your strengths and values, the YouMap is your next step. It helps you uncover your leadership strengths, core values, preferred skills, and personality-based wiring so you can lead from alignment, not performance.
Your leadership isn’t broken. It just needs to be congruent. Click here to get your YouMap and start leading in a way that actually feels like you.